Songwriting school

Alternative lyrics to Rumour has it by Adele

Mia: ohhhh Rupert has it. Harry, rupert has it. Rupert has it.

Furry and short

Mia: Squirrels can't open a door because they aren't strong or tall enough. After all, they need to reach the handle.

Babysitters

Me: So Nana's going to babysit for you tonight while me and daddy go out.
Mia: What's a babysitter?
Me: It's someone who looks after you so me and daddy can go and spend some time together.
Mia: And do what?
Me: Well talk about grown up things.
Mia: Ah like Christmas trees?
Me: (trying not to laugh) I suppose so.
Mia: Oh no, not Christmas trees. (Pause) You only talk about Christmas trees at Christmas!!!

Northern posh

Sat in the middle of Marks and Spencer cafe.

Mia: (in slightly posh and very loud voice) Ohhh mummy, I've got terrible wind. (pause). I've just farted.

Breakfast fallout

Background: At the weekend we all had bacon butties and Mia didn't want to eat the fat around her bacon. Ian said he ate his because it gave him hairs on his chest. Two days later we're all in the car:

Mia: Mum I've got hairs on my arms.
Me: Oh yes, how did they get there?
Mia: From eating bacon fat. But it's ok because I'm going to pinch them all out!

Keeping safe

Mia trips over for the third time today. She's sitting on my knee crying.

Me: I think I should wrap you in cotton wool so you don't get hurt.
Mia: (wailing) But if you do I won't be able to eat!!!!

Taste test

Mia is showing me her fairy princess toy ring.

Mia: Mummm my ring is very dirty.
Me: Er, ok
Mia: It's got brown stuff on it.

(It's actually completely clean)

Mia: I'm going to lick my ring clean!