Songwriting school

Alternative lyrics to Rumour has it by Adele

Mia: ohhhh Rupert has it. Harry, rupert has it. Rupert has it.

Furry and short

Mia: Squirrels can't open a door because they aren't strong or tall enough. After all, they need to reach the handle.

Babysitters

Me: So Nana's going to babysit for you tonight while me and daddy go out.
Mia: What's a babysitter?
Me: It's someone who looks after you so me and daddy can go and spend some time together.
Mia: And do what?
Me: Well talk about grown up things.
Mia: Ah like Christmas trees?
Me: (trying not to laugh) I suppose so.
Mia: Oh no, not Christmas trees. (Pause) You only talk about Christmas trees at Christmas!!!

Northern posh

Sat in the middle of Marks and Spencer cafe.

Mia: (in slightly posh and very loud voice) Ohhh mummy, I've got terrible wind. (pause). I've just farted.